It’s been years since I struggled with insomnia, and over 3 years since I posted last about my struggle. I have to admit, it was a brutal experience and a hard one to escape from. I’m pretty confident that I’m out of the woods nowadays (phew).
But I know so many people are having trouble with sleep themselves. I’ve come to learn how common sleep issues are and how badly they affect our health and happiness. This is why I wanted to reflect on this time of my life and jot down all the lessons I’ve learned in this tedious journey of breaking free from my insomnia. Though each person has their specific situation and complications, who knows, it might just help someone out there.
1. Endless Sleep Tips? Feel Free to Ignore Most of Them
When you’re sharing about your insomnia, people around you suddenly become sleep experts. You’ll hear everything from “Have you tried chamomile tea?” to “Just tire yourself out more during the day.” The advice is well-meaning, but it can also be exhausting. I remember feeling guilty and frustrated when none of these “simple fixes” worked for me. It made me question myself: Am I doing something wrong? Am I not trying hard enough?
Here’s the truth: Insomnia is complex, and no one-size-fits-all solution exists. Sometimes, you’ll need to tune out the noise and focus on what your mind and body are telling you. Take the advice that resonates and let the rest go.
2. Insomnia Is The Body’s Way Of Waving The Red Flag
Looking back, I can see it clearly now. Insomnia wasn’t just about my inability to sleep. It was my body waving a red flag, screaming that something was deeply misaligned in my life. At the time, I was stuck in a cycle of anxiety, chronic pain, and emotional turmoil. My mind refused to rest because my life was in chaos.
Sleep deprivation wasn’t the problem; it was a symptom. For me, addressing the root cause — acknowledging the parts of my life that were broken — was the real work. It’s not an easy realization to come to, but it’s a necessary one. Insomnia forces you to look inward and ask: What needs to change?
3. It’s Okay To Consider Using Medication For A While.
This one is controversial, I know. Many people fear dependency, and I did too. I resisted medication for a long time because I wanted to “fix” myself naturally. But at some point, I was so depleted that I couldn’t function anymore. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t parent, and I couldn’t enjoy even the smallest moments of life.
I was prescribed Trazodone which is not as bad as sleeping pills as I’ve come to learn. It’s actually an anti-depressant with a sedative effect that ended up being used more as a sleeping aid. I didn’t have to take it every night, just as needed, and I got the lowest dosage of 50mg.
I was taking it for a few weeks every night and then I just kept it close to my bed with the determination that if by 1am I’m still not sleeping, I take one. This helped eliminate the deliberation and mental effort of decision-making in tough situations. Later on I cut the pills in half and did the same with just half the dose. I kept these around me for a long time, keeping my mind at ease that I have this option if I need it.
Taking medication this way gave me a lifeline. It gave me the rest I so desperately needed to regain some clarity and strength. And no, it didn’t magically cure my insomnia, but it created space for me to start healing in other ways.
4. Sleep Anxiety Lingers Even After Sleep Returns
The thing about insomnia is that it doesn’t just rob you of sleep; it creates a fear of not sleeping. It’s called Sleep Anxiety. Even on nights when I felt tired and ready for bed, I would lie there, hyper-aware of every thought and sensation, convinced that sleep would elude me again.
It’s a cruel cycle: The more you worry about sleep, the harder it becomes to fall asleep. I had to retrain my brain to trust that sleep would come when it comes and if not, that’s okay too. This was a rather tough notion to regain after reading the book “Why We Sleep” by Matthew Walker (okay this is an affiliate link, but don’t read it if you’re suffering from insomnia!!) and a few of Huberma’s Lab podcast episodes about the importance of sleep. I usually believe that knowledge is power but in that case, I was made too aware of how crucial sleep is for our health that it was counter-productive. It took patience, compassion, and a conscious effort to let go of the outcome.
A good way to make it easier on yourself is to consciously decide to stop having any expectations when you can’t sleep. You can give yourself permission to do whatever you want, guilt-free during this time. Watch TV, enjoy a warm bath, light some candles, scroll on social media, eat whatever you feel like. This tremendously helped me feel less worried about finding myself in this scary situation again. It made it feel more like a fun little “date” with myself and the dread of night was not as bad.
Sleep anxiety doesn’t disappear overnight, but it does fade with time and consistency.
5. It Can Be A Long Road To Full Recovery, Even With Temporary Relief.
Recovering from insomnia isn’t linear. There were moments when I thought I had “beaten it,” only to find myself wide awake at 3 a.m. again. It’s disheartening when progress feels temporary, but I’ve learned that setbacks are part of the process.
Sleep isn’t something you can force into submission. Healing takes time, and improvement often comes in waves. Some nights will be better than others, and that’s okay. Trust the process, even when it feels slow.
6. Desperation Chases Sleep Away, Just Like Love
Desperation chases sleep away. I spent so many nights begging my brain to shut off, bargaining with myself: If I fall asleep now, I’ll still get four hours. But sleep doesn’t respond to pressure or pleading. It comes when you stop chasing it.
The trick is to let go of the need for control. Focus on creating a calm, restful environment, and trust that sleep will arrive when it’s ready. It sounds counterintuitive, but the more you surrender, the easier it becomes.
7. My Turning Point: Leaving My Marriage and Changing My Life
This is the hardest truth I’ve had to face. My insomnia wasn’t just about my mind or body; it was about my life. I was in a marriage that was draining me, a relationship where I felt trapped and unseen. My body knew it before I did. It refused to rest because it wasn’t safe.
Leaving my marriage was the turning point. It wasn’t an instant cure, but it created the space I needed to rebuild my life — and my sleep — from the ground up. Sometimes, the solution isn’t about sleep at all. It’s about freeing yourself from what’s holding you back.
8. If You Hate Meditation, You Probably Need It.
I used to roll my eyes at the idea of meditation. Especially those breathing exercises, because I would get a suffocating sensation being too aware of my breath. My mind was constantly racing, filled with worry and noise, and trying to meditate only made me feel less competent. But the more I resisted it, the more I realized I needed it. The more I researched sleep, insomnia, and anxiety the more I noticed meditation and mindfulness mentioned as beneficial. I couldn’t ignore it anymore.
I found a great audio program for beginners called Calm and Free (affiliate link) that introduced different types of meditations in a very approachable way and I could select the few that made the most sense to me and stick with those.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, it felt impossible at first. But over time, meditation became easier. Even just a few minutes in bed helped me reconnect with my body and the present moment. If you’re skeptical, I get it. Try it anyway.
9. This too shall pass.
When you’re in the thick of insomnia, it feels endless. I remember thinking I would never sleep normally again, that this was just my life now. But it wasn’t true. It passed. Slowly, and with a lot of effort, but it passed.
No matter how hopeless it feels right now, remind yourself: This is temporary. Your body is resilient, and so are you.
10. You’re not alone.
One of the most isolating parts of insomnia is the feeling that you’re alone in it. The world sleeps while you stare at the ceiling, and it’s easy to believe you’re the only one struggling. But you’re not.
Sleep issues are incredibly common, and so many people understand what you’re going through. Reach out. Talk about it. Share your experience. You’ll be surprised how many people can relate. Just keep in mind that what helped someone won’t necessarily help in your situation.
Breaking free from insomnia was one of the hardest journeys of my life, but it taught me so much about myself, my body, and my resilience. If you’re struggling right now, I hope these lessons bring you some comfort and maybe even a little hope. You’re not alone in this. And one day, you’ll look back, well-rested, and realize how far you’ve come.
