My Four-Week Journey on Lexapro: The Raw, Honest Reality
I read an article the other day about “who are you people who are NOT using any meds or drugs in this day and time?”. It made me smirk because I just had a life-changing acid trip a few weeks before and had just started on Lexapro for helping with my anxiety. And I do enjoy a weekly THC-edible for creativity and recreational purposes. I’m also part of the psychedelic community where I live, going to events they organize once in a while. But I do know who these people are because I used to be one of them. Until late into my adulthood, I didn’t even touch a cigarette, and my first joint I smoked with my mom, of all people, when she got her medical cannabis while being treated with chemo for breast cancer. Now I can go deep into conversations about different states of consciousness with anyone interested, but I do have one rule when I take these mind-altering substances:
To do it with intention.
And while most people won’t necessarily put SSRIs in the same bucket with weed and psychedelics, I believe my rule applies to them equally. The only difference is that SSRIs are a long-term kind of experiment and therefore, they require a long-term setting of intentions and a tight follow-up on the progress. And if you’re an intentional person like me, doing your own research on Lexapro before starting, I hope this might be helpful for you. But before we proceed, I do have to make this disclaimer:
*Disclaimer: this article describes my personal experience, thoughts and insights and by no means intended as a medical or professional recommendation.
Starting a new medication for anxiety and depression is often painted with either glowing success stories or dire warnings. Rarely do you hear the messy, complicated middle. Today, I’m sharing my honest, unfiltered experience of the first four weeks on Lexapro (Cipralex), an SSRI — including the highs, lows, unexpected lessons, and how it shifted my day-to-day life in ways both subtle and profound.
Weeks 1-2 Recap:
I had already shared my first two weeks on Lexapro in a previous post: mostly side effects like numbness, emotional blunting, and occasional moments of relief. As I moved into weeks three and four, I was curious (and nervous) about what would come next.
Week 3: The Hardest Stretch
Week 3 was the most extreme so far. The slight relief I felt at the end of Week 2 vanished, replaced with crushing fatigue, zero motivation, and an almost surreal sense of “rotting.” I would fall asleep on the couch by 10 p.m., struggle to get up from the couch during the day, and even small tasks like putting dishes away felt monumental. The worst moment came when a panic attack hit—the trigger? The pressure to “perform” after a few days off with my daughter due to a holiday. I couldn’t muster the energy to work, and as I tried to force myself off the couch, my body rebelled with tremors, breathlessness, and a tight throat. Strangely, the panic attack was almost a relief compared to the numbing depression I had been feeling.
I coped by allowing the wave to pass, and later, I pushed myself to take a walk to a pharmacy I’d been avoiding. It was a long line to wait my turn, but I realized something: I could sit still, listen to an audiobook, and not be consumed by impatience or irritation. I even scribbled down some creative notes—a small, but powerful win.
Week 4: Subtle Shifts and Surprising Wins
Week 4 brought slight improvements. I returned to working at my desk (instead of slumping with my laptop on the couch), and daily tasks started to feel less daunting. Interestingly, my approach to productivity shifted. I wasn’t attacking to-do lists with anxiety-driven urgency anymore; I was working more intuitively, flowing between tasks.
Parenting also became easier. The morning rush, bedtime routines, and emotional labor of being a mom didn’t feel as overwhelming. I even allowed for more flexibility than usual without spiraling into guilt or panic about “breaking routines.”
There was a consistent theme: I cared less about the little things that used to drain me.
The “Big” Test
Sunday morning, I went for blood work—arguably the worst timing—and found 48 people ahead of me. Normally, that would send me into a panic. Instead, I sat there, unbothered, scrolling through my phone, not caring about the wasted time. Even when I missed my turn after a badly timed bathroom break, I handled it calmly (don’t worry, they let me in there anyway).
This might sound trivial, but to me, it was monumental.
Afterwards, I strolled through the market, casually buying tamarind sauce, kimchi, fruits, cheeses—little luxuries that used to trigger guilt. I allowed myself the pleasure of just “being” without feeling the constant need to optimize my time, my spending or my carrying capacity. Carrying the heavy shopping bags back home felt more like a mild inconvenience than a catastrophe.
A New Baseline Emerging
As Week 5 begins, I notice a few key shifts:
- I’m less sensitive to overstimulation, irritation, and delays.
- I’m more open to experimenting with new ways of working and living.
- I found the courage to go live on TikTok without a script or outlines.
- I started filming content in a more natural, casual way, with a few posts getting much more traction than I’m used to.
This journey isn’t a straight line. It’s messy, emotional, full of tiny victories and heavy days. But overall, I’m proud.
Starting Lexapro was never about numbing myself permanently—it was about creating enough emotional “space” to practice different reactions to life’s triggers. This experience has already shown me how different—how better—life can feel when you’re less reactive, less tied to rigid expectations.
If you’re considering starting meds for anxiety or depression, my advice is this:
Track your reactions. Notice the small wins. Be patient. Allow yourself to experience the mess without judgment.
Because change—real change—doesn’t always feel like a lightning bolt. Sometimes, it feels like waiting in a crowded clinic and not minding the wait.
